Take it Away

Note: Uhm, free writing anyone? :) But I guess it turns to a drabble in the end. If you're sensitive on the topic, please navigate away. It's okay. This is quite sensitive.

Disclaimer: What my character is thinking doesn't necessarily wholly represent my side on the sensitive topic. Please refer to the situation itself. This is somewhat a free writing so whatever comes to mind, goes there. If you still couldn't comprehend what I mean, just imagine that this is the character I am writing for so I'm writing in her P.O.V.

Title: Take it Away

Category: Fiction

Key Word/s: Teenage Pregnancy

"So you're down there...confused, you can't bear. When things aren't easy, hiding is not the answer." 

-Fall on Me, Moonstar88

 000-

I feel like a hypocrite.

I think I am. If not, what would I be doing in a room full of people eager to talk about a social project on helping teenagers in pregnancy?

What am I doing here again volunteering for such cause when I can have a peaceful summer with my beloved dog Poshy at home? Why do I have to hear such comments about the ideal way of handling teenage pregnancy cases? Why again do I have to be reminded of what to do and what I should be.

Everyone's wanting to participate, suggesting this and that, making excuses, pointing fingers on whom to blame - I wanted to escape them. Just like how I escaped a similar predicament few years ago.

Whatever they're saying doesn't even go well with what's happening in real life. You expect a pregnant teenager to listen to a fellow teenager preaching her about what-to-do in her life (which constitutes the tiny blip in her stomach and the future baby it will become)? Do you really expect a pregnant teenager to participate because she thinks it's for a good cause and it wasn't out of sheer pity? Can we really make them believe that we're doing it because we really care and not because it's an obligation to fulfill?

 Hypocrites, well we are all hypocrites if we're going to think it's possible.

I strained my neck a little to hear more what would these kids say about teenage pregnancy in general considering that aside from our facilitator, we're all just bunch of teenagers who knew nothing more than the common knowledge that everyone shares about the topic.

Teenage pregnancy. Wow. Big word.

And yet these people treat it as some kind of charity project. Damn it.

Damn.

This is about the life of the girl and the baby. This is not some kind of trial experiment. This is reality.

There should be no excessive arguments on whom to blame for anything. There should be no idealistic notions demanding to be given immediate attention. This is reality. What is needed is empathy not charity. They needed to be educated instead of preached.

Why are people heartless like this?

Why am I even here.

I closed my eyes for a moment clearing any unwanted expressions. I didn't want them to notice that I'm actually thinking that they are bunch of idiots arguing over the same overrated point of lunacy. I heard a heavy sigh from my right and found him.

I was here because of him. I am here because he told me that we should right our wrong. I am very stupid to believe him. I am foolish to think that it is possible to make him realize that our situation was anything near what he hoped we are: salvageable.

He was fueling my rage over this matter. My hands itched to throw the nearest, heaviest object to him. He's such a bloody hypocrite. I ground my teeth together and willed myself not to make a scene. He wasn't looking at me but I know that he knew how I am already fuming inside. My death glare could bore a hole on his temple.

I take a huge, calming breath and composed myself.

I couldn't help remembering Gemma.

Two years ago, I was seventeen. I was naive and gullible. When he told me that what I saw meant nothing serious, I believed him. I believed him because I didn't saw them do it. They were half-naked yes, my cousin Gemma who was the same age as me and then him on Gemma's bedroom.

I thought it was just a make-out session. I could careless. But I was stupid because I didn't ask. Until Gemma came to me crying, telling me that she's pregnant. She didn't know what to do.

I was seventeen and clueless. I didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to do.

We all got tangled in a mess that I didn't know how to fix.

It made me frustrated. It became a burden I didn't want to carry. So I escaped.

 I left them.

Later on, I heard that he left her too.

My cousin was alone and defenseless. I have to come to help her. My mind was torn for selfish reasons and love for my cousin who had been like a sister to me. But before I could even decide to help her, I was crushed with the news that she killed herself.

I blamed him. I blamed myself.

I didn't want her to die.

But I was also hurting.

I want him for myself.

And I loved him too much to have the guts to look past their infidelity, two years ago.

∞