Hey Charlie!

Note: I didn't know why I wrote this. It just came up.

Disclaimer: I already posted this on Tumblr before under pixelatedthoughts.

Title: Hey, Charlie!

Category: Fiction

Key Word/s: Death, Sexuality

"She's standing in the heart of darkness...saying I know you got a soul even though you're heartless.." -Walk Away, The Script

000-

This is how it’s going to be every day.

This is how we’re going to build our future. This is me wallowing myself in pity, secretly wishing that I’ve died along with you while the winds carry your memory away, somewhere where I couldn’t touch you. It was unbearable. It was hard to wait for my own time to end because every second of waiting kills me.

Thinking that I wouldn’t be able to touch your beautiful face, watch you grow those white lilies that I got you from a flower shop across the family apartment, see you work hard for your dream of becoming a singer, hear you sing my name in that flute-like voice of yours—it made the world a lot more insufferable.

Friends offered me a glance of sympathy and few words of pity. Some would look contrite while others would seem as if they were doing it just for the sake of it. I wish I could verbalize my disgust. How could they treat you like that? And how could you go without as much as a goodbye smile?

They think I was being hard on myself. They didn’t know anything.

“Charlie, I’m sorry that you’ve lost a sister…” a friend told me once in remorse.

I wish you’d seen the comical face I’d offered her in return. And she called herself your friend when in fact she knows nothing about you? Funny, isn’t it? How could people see us in a platonic relationship?

Have they been mum about our closeness? Didn’t they notice our exchange of heavy stares? Have they disregarded my obvious way of fancying you? Have they been oblivious to the world that I’ve created along with you?

I scream in silence as the frustration mounted. You broke my walls I so firmly built to protect me from the cruel world. And you just left me like that. Ah, an unfinished business.

Do you think I was okay with it? With you leaving me alone and expecting me to rebuild what you’ve been broken? How could you easily fall into the trap of death but take it so much while to fall for me? I could’ve caught and protected you first if only you chose to stay with me.

Don’t you care about how I feel? Don’t you know that leukemia is a cancer and not just a mere condition of lacking red blood cells? I could’ve accepted the truth if you only told me earlier. I wouldn’t feel so betrayed like this. I wouldn’t act so surprised. I wasn’t a stranger. I wasn’t a robot. I know you more than anyone else.

We dreamed together. We made plans about children, marriage and the rest of our future. Who give a damn about a baby having two moms? We loved each other. Don’t you remember?

Have you also forgotten about it?

I am Charlotte…the girl who would do everything for you.

And yet you choose not to tell me.

You choose death over me.

∞